Ya’ll done messed up now! Someone gave me a mic, and now I have a platform to get this off my chest. I’m a retired veteran who’s been all over the world and met all kinds of people, from all different walks of life. To some, I may be a nobody, but to others I’m the voice of reason… the Yoda of my generation (I mean… so I’ve been told). Maybe this is because of my transparency about my life and my share of relationships. I’ve had some failed relationships in my life, I’ve hurt people and I’ve been hurt. Everything I have been through I have made a conscious effort to walk away from it with a lesson. I can say all those lessons got me where I am now, happily married, with a beautiful wife and children. Men and women come to me for advice on life and relationship often, it could be because I’ve always been a good listener or because of my own life experiences. Either way I am here to give you an honest man’s perspective and point of view. Sometimes you have to go beyond your home-girls and family members to get an honest unbiased opinion.

What I am about to share with you ladies is something is I have been holding onto, waiting for the right time to share. Each one teach one right? Well, let me share with you, my glimpse of brilliance.

It’s just like fishing

I remember going fishing when I was younger. See any good fisherman knows that fish’s appetites change like the wind. You can go to the lake one day, use worms to catch fish and be successful, then go back the next week with the same worms and not catch anything. Then you look over and the guy next to you has a bucket full of fish. You ask him what he used and he say “crickets.” So great fishermen bring a variety of bait with them. Shrimp, worms, crickets, garlic marshmallows, or whatever to get the fish to bite. Like a great fisherman ladies, you have to change your bait.

Throughout my military career, I have become friends and even family to a lot of females. Most are still single, in a situationship, in a relationship and not married, and some that just don’t know how to catch a man… period. Have you ever been fishing? You feel the tug, you think you hooked something but what really happened was the fish took the bait, but you didn’t hook him… Well let me drop some jewels on you ladies to help you hook the right fish.

1) Make yourself approachable.

Chivalry isn’t dead, it just isn’t required. Today when a man approaches a woman, he is perceived as being “thirsty” or desperate. A lot of men still like to court women, so let them. Let your guard down. Every relationship starts with an initial interaction. Give him a fair chance to win your heart, or at least get to know you.

2) Learn how to talk.

Now that technology is running rampant, verbal communication is turning non-existent. Pick up the phone and talk. You need to be able to hear the intentions in a man’s voice. You can easily decipher the real from the BS through a man’s tone of voice. Oh, and quit cursing so much! Cursing and blessings can’t come out a good woman’s mouth. Yuck! That Tamar Braxton vocabulary works for her but that shit will have your ass single for life talking that way. Delete “that what’s up,” “you crazy,” “you stupid,” “okay,” “basically” or any of those catch phrases from your vocabulary. An intellectual woman is sexy… period. Talk like you have some sense!

3) Dress to impress.

If you’re single, dress like you’re displaying yourself… and display yourself the way you want to be treated. Mr. Right could be around the corner. If you’re at Walmart in pajamas at 2 in the afternoon, you’re saying, “Hey! I’m ready to get in bed with you now!” Stop it! Also, put some “smell good” on to catch that man’s attention. Men love it. No man wants to be in the presence of a woman and she smells like… nothing. To me that’s the worst. No single woman should leave her house wearing “Invisible by Nobody.” Wear something! Dang! You smelling good is one of your best baits.

4) Find a man you are compatible with, who will grow with you.

Don’t get me wrong I am not saying you shouldn’t have standards, but get rid of your loooooooooong list of requirements. Your chances of finding your dream man that’s 6’8″, hung like a horse, with a smile like Idris Elba, no kids, a 700 credit score and making six figures isn’t impossible but you’re making it harder for yourself. Remove some of the shallow requirements and focus on the more important qualities in a man. I mean you wouldn’t trade in a Lexus for a broken tail light, would you? When you talk to him he should match your dreams and future plans. Don’t settle in that area. If you pay attention, eventually a man will show you what he is all about. But that goes back to #2… take the time to have meaningful conversations.

5) Wait for sex.

Remember you hold all the cards. You don’t have to give it up so fast. Believe me. You’ve heard the old saying, “Why buy the cow if the milk is free?” Trust me, coming from a man it’s true! It’s not going anywhere. Some women been having sex since their teen years and no success. Waiting can keep the heartbreak, loneliness, and wasted time to minimal, oh and the STD’s! Believe it or not ladies, you hold the key. The power is between your legs, treat it as such and respect that power.

Simple changes in your life could be the difference between finding a real man and being lonely and unhappy the remainder of your life. So ladies, if you want to catch the fish… CHANGE YOUR BAIT.

It’s all love baby,

T. Yoda

#DistinguishedGentleman